Driving up today, I had to roll down the windows, it was raining but I didnt care, taking a shower in the car, all that was running through my mind was a picture show of all that have happend in this small area of land.
the first thing I saw was the Ultimate Frisbee feild... I remember last year, Zack Thomas, Dan and Brian Paff, David Haskell, and Ben Foster... After a hard game of ultimate would line up for back rubs, sitting on my lap, still all gross, I can feel the moisture in my hands, I wasnt grossed out then and I never will be...
Car pushing a bit farther, I notice the Tear drop. so many times a group of us would just go there to think and talk... I can hear Bryan Brown, playing his guitar for me. I can see the same stars I saw the night it was just he and I... his voice floods my eardrums.. His deep soft beautiful voice... "...meet me where I am.. Shake the dust off my hear till it shines again, shine the light in my eyes till I'm blind again.. Ohh run me through the fire till I'm refined again... Oh faithfull friend.. Meet me where I am..." I can feel the same soft touch of tears on my cheeks as that night he and I sat there. driving past the Tear Drop I realized the irony and laughed... slowly passing the huge trees that know a million secrets, I listened carefully hopeing to hear one that I didnt already know.. No luck. I know most of them but the ones I dont are just for the trees.
when we parked, I just sat there for a minute, a different path from my usual jump out of the car attitude.. I just sat, listening to the rain that is continuing to fall atop the hood. Getting out, my legs feel numb, like I am a scared child not knowing were to go next, though I know... I know all to well. I could find my way around the acres with my eyes shut, but finding my way to the path at the minute, was impossible. I took some breaths and started walking. walking down the path I remembered the year that they added woodchips, some kid was running down the path and fell.. He was right in front of me. And though it shouldnt have been funny when there was a woodship stuck in his leg, I laughed because he did. After what seemed to be more time then the actual drive there, I made it to the black top. looking around things were sad, the place was deserted, dirty and I could see no love fumigating like I could all the years prior... knowing full well that Reed would always be there, I looked up for assurance, some guidence. But the giant bell was gone. no where in sight. red faced I went inside to the Great hall. It still smelled the same. of hugs and tears and kisses and laughter. The reason that I thought of it that way is because if those things had a smell.. It would be the Great hall at camp. I walked in to see banners from years past, every year every session. All there. the one made the first year I was at camp was directly in front of me. I was amazed. The felt, still holding togather like it would stand through anything. The wood floors still creeked when I walked from the Great hall to the hall and through the hall a wood band played, and new note hit with every step. the Big red counter had been re-painted, the same shade but the fade was gone, the chip from when someone had slammed there clip-bored down to hard was fixed. The nurse used to stand his ground there so that pills could be despeced. The lobby looked axacty the same. the couches all where the are sposed to be as if they were bolted down for safety. the brown cushions were dented and beaten down. they served as a resting place for so many people. I remembered the time I was sentanced to the couch for almost two days, it killed me. but Joe and some of the other councilors would sneak me food from the kitchen. I walked to the drinking fountain forgetting the taste that used to make my face twist, rust. It hit me squar in the face today...
the dinning hall didnt have the camp food smell, and all the chairs and tables were pushed to the walls. it was sad, I longed to see the table with the words 12 / Grad M with and Cassie as the fine print. I had become an honorary member one year. Chuck, the councilor only allowed me to sit there, and I did at every meal, I was just one of the guys, but the cute one... I went for a walk down by the dock. I remembered the swimming tests that we had to take every year, and the buddy bored, we could never go in the water alone. I hated to swim because all of my friends got deep, and I wasnt a strong enough swimmer so I was always confined to intermediate. I hated it, So instead of mastering how to swim, I mastered four-square. I was the best one year. lughing to myself, I casually wandered up there. looking around the court was faded to almost nothing, I saw the damage to the roof that wills "Cherry Bomb" left. and I laughed. I went farther in my thought provoking walk, I stumbled accross the owl cage and the cabin that I lived in for about 4 years in a row. The bathroom that we had to walk to in the middle of the night, and I remembered how much I resented that then, but now I would do anything to live there for a week. I walked down to the fire pit and thats where I lost it, I saw the thurday night that we all sat around the campfire, all 150 or so of us and just listened to Bryan's sweet voice, and sitting there I took hold of Dan Paff's hand and just looked at the sky, many of us that night saw a cross in the clouds and as time went on, saw what looked to be a body, we were out there until all hours of the night... The Cross that was put up in the memory of Samantha Popkey was gone and will never be put up again. She died on her way to camp one year, a year that I was not able to attend. I only heard about it after. I saw the stack of logs that were pushed aside, and I thought of all of the people that I sat with in those spots. I heard every camp song I knew all at once. The faces always change, people come and go, but the stories that place holds will never fade away. I drove away sad, I will miss that place and all of its memories.
I was able to see some people that I havent seen in years, but I cant write about that right now. When I heard that there was going to be a new camp, I was not excited, but I wasnt angry either. I didnt think it would change the "atmostphere" of camp. But driving away tonight, windows down, breathing as deeply as possible until the very last second. I realised that I will have to tell all of my secrets to another set of trees and I dont want to do that...
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