Horrified

While I was taking my dog outside for a potty break, I noticed two men kicking a cat onto a busy street, I tried to get there before it got hit, but while trying to protect my dog from the traffic and get there in a panic I didnt make it. I hate to post suck horrific pictures on my blog however, I want people to see what animal abuse really looks like. It seems that while animal abuse is becoming more prominent and more vicious, in some places, by some people, it is accepted, and ok.

There is an "artist" named Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, who for the past few years has been selling Live animal abuse as art! This is a Dog, that he has chained in an art gallery and is using the starvation process as art. As you can see in the photo, there are onlookers that do not seem to be at all disturbed about this.

Here are many people just standing around like there is not a care in the world

This is the final Photo of the dog, he is dead in this picture.

There are a few reasons why I am posting about this. I rescue strays, abused, and neglected animals in my area and try to rehome them to loving homes. I am a full time college student, plus get as much work as I can, but I am not made of money I do not ask for an adoption fee just love for the babies that I adopt out. Many of my rescues undergo mild to severe abuse before I can get to them. I started this shelter when I was 18 I was living in an apartment building and the people across the hall were feeding their two cats a steady diet of beer, acid and pot smoke, those were just the drugs that I knew of. So, one say after weeks of waking up to the neibors cats crawling through my window and cuddling in my bed, I cut them a check for 200.00 for these two cats. both died of liver and kidney failure after years of ingesting these drugs. Recently I put a litter of kittens on craigs list for adoption and asked the new owners to sign contracts that at cirtain ages the cats will be fixed, that they will get their shots and if they cannot care for the kittens that they will be returned to me. I was doing my normal check up calls to see how things were going and was heartbroken to find that one of the couples whom adopted a kitten broke up and one of them fed the kitten to a snake.

Now, too all of you out there that abuse or neglect animals ... BURN IN HELL. These animals cannot speak and though I may not have much more than a few choice words to say on thier behalf. I have had pets for my entire life and in no way do they deserve to be treated so horribly! All they do is love, unconditionally. My dog will shake her tail when I look at her even if I am too busy to play fetch with her at that moment. My cats want nothing more than to cuddle and be petted.

My biggest problem with animal abuse is that it seems there is no end in sight, someone can kill a dog and get a few months probation, so there is no fear in mistreating these animals. I am not usually about the death penalty, but my stance after seeing these guys laugh as the cat died in my arms, is that they should get the electric chair. This so called "artist" should be lined up in front of a firing squad. it is a well known fact that almost all of the serial killers in the world got their practice by mutilating and killing animals.

so to anyone who has ever caused emotional or physical damage to an animal I hope you die.

The new and Improved me!

Ok, So I havent posted anything on this blog for about 4 years, things have just been insane as many can Imagine. More than that though, I am a completely different person than I was 4 years ago. I still have those days where I want to wage warfare on my entire life, but I think its in a completely different way than it used to be. I am no longer that lost little girl that I used to be. I have a better understanding of how the world, and other people work now. I dont get frustrated at men who flirt and never call again. (mostly because I dont have that problem anymore :) I am a successful student, who struggles but for the most part has goals. I have lost people that I loved more than anything, and though sometimes I am still pissed as hell that they arent here, God has granted me a view of the bigger picture.
Many people enjoyed this blog because of the intesity or anger. well, I am still a Fire Cracker, believe me, there is no one in the world that can break my spirit. However, that passion is now going to things that mean something! I learned that focusing on my pathetic existance was in no way benifitial to another person, let alone helpful to the world. believe me, plenty of things completely piss me off, high gas prices, the fact that The American Country is being run right into the ground, and the fact that there are people in the world who consider observing starving animals chained to a post of a gallery art... THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD BE LINED UP AND SHOT FIFTY THOUSAND TIMES. But now all of my rage is directed at something worth fighting for.
so if you are interested in still reading my thoughts, be my guest. I would love all of the input I can get, if you have a topic that I dont know about, tell me about it and I will state my oppinion with pride. However, I ask one thing, please try not to comment annonymously, I would like to be able to communicate. To any one that reads this blog after 4 years, thanks. It was your comment that made me want to start writing again!

Too much time alone is a bad thing...

So its labor day weekend and there are a total of 4 people in my entire Hall. Me, Mike, Corey, and Beth... This is the problem, I think that I have a serious case of ADD this weekend. The last two nights I have gone to a party and the Pi Lambda Phi's frat house. The first night was good because I went with Mason Ryan and Chrissy so I had a blast.. Plus I really like spending time with Ryan so it was nice to get to see how he is around his brothers... Well last night when I went the three of them weren't there and I still had a good time, I was able to hang out with Dan who is a good guy.

I am really fucking bored right now and to tell the truth spending all day alone with nothing to do, allows for ones mind to wander to once blocked thoughts... I have spent the day absolutely miserable.. I tried to watch some movies to take my mind off of things but the only movies in here are chick flicks and so that made me feel like shit because they are all about love and all that bullshit.... And I spoke it is apparent how alone I really am... Then wired thing is that this is the first night that I haven't had some sort of male company, not necessarily in a a romantic or even physical sense though there has been a few of those... But even when I have some guy next to me I am not happy it just feels like there is something missing something that is so important that no guy here has held my interest for more than two days. Well except for Ryan but I haven't held his interest from the beginning so it doesn't really matter all that much.

I have this theory..

Men chase woman until they are caught. But then get rid of most of them when they are caught.
this is the problem. Woman adapt to one of two ways of behavior after being constantly treated like that... Either they take on the non-commitment characteristics of men jumping from guy to guy becoming known as a slut. Or in an unconscious thought process becomes a Dick Tease gaining yet another bad reputation. There for. There is nothing that a woman can really do to stay on top of the game the men made up...

I hate men right now.....

Two Months Later...

Ok so yes, I have been avoiding my journal for quite some time now. There is however, a reasonable explanation. I have not wanted to write about my summer strictly because then I would see in print how fucked up it has been. I had been working my ass off to afford college, not even my first choice college but the safety instead. Working at Ruby's was kicking my ass. Pulling 16 hour days and having no time to just sit on my ass and do nothing.

About a month ago I came to the conclusion that there is not one decent person on this planet and also that I suck at life.... I don't understand why hurting someone can possible be justified in any situation, especially when it comes to a family member. What I think is worse is that Luke just sat back and let it happen. He found out about me and Andy, and what happened. I don't quite see how my older brother can possibly think that I would ever "want" to sleep with Andy. Not only is he a complete asshole to me and the entire family he is just plain gross. When I told Luke what really happened he said that it was not possible and that I was just stupid and put myself in a bad situation. This is where my problem lies. Even if for one instant I was all about having sex with that jack ass. Luke allowed his best fucking friend to use his baby sister for sex. That pisses me off. I have all of my 18 years up until that point saying no waiting for something worth a damn and Andy just fucking brushed that aside not caring... I fucking hate him and even more, I hate Luke for ever thinking that I would do something like that. He abandoned me during a time when I needed him to protect me the most and I will never forgive him for that. I haven't spoken to him since I left that night and I don't think I will want to for a long time. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life and I definitely didn't need to add this to the fucking pile.

I will continue my rage filled ramblings later when Corey doesn't need his computer until then I am gunno go sleep and by the grace of God not wake up...

Since when is independance a bad thing?

I don't get it, so many guys have told me absolute horror stories about how their girlfriends are so clingy and annoying... a common trait girls seemed to inherit through the generations... But I myself, am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, all that I want from someone else is respect.

I was told that in being so independant, I have allowed the romantic side of me leak out... (apperently I am a fucking water baloon) but this is my question, why is it that I am labled as cold and hard hearted just because I dont need a guy to buy me roses? Dont get me wrong, I like gifts from someone who cares about me... But if someone really cares and knows me, than they will know that I would much rather someone write me a letter for no reason and send it to me in the mail...
That conversation really bothered me, because now I am analyzing whether or not I actually do have some sort of romantic side, and if I dont, does that mean that I am not one that guys would want to date? I am utterly confused as to why a girl that would like to go to a sports event with her boyfriend or sit around and play cards is worse then a girlfriend that demands so much the guy does nothing but work to win her... GAH
someone explain how it all works to me, maybe I missed a step...


So, to change the subject a little. I met some HALARIOUS guys at work tonight! one problem... WAY to old for me... the "younger" of the two is 31... but oh so good looking... haha we talked for hours when I got off of work.

Oh and I am also in charge of all the marketing for one of the services at Ruby Tuesday... Its called our Curbside To Go, so I spent all day going to local businesses trying to sell it... The guys at Belle Tire were very interested! That makes me very happy lol.


well, I was at work from 830 this morning until like 8 tonight so I am going to catch some Z's. Good night all.. Well, anyone who actually reads this...

Morning

I hate the morning, I am sure that sounds bitter and mean, thats not it at all. Its just that well, I have to go to work and take on a 12 hour day, and let me tell you. thats not always the funnest thing there is to do... and well. I cant wait! well my hot manager might be working so the day may not be a complete bust, oooo, now I am kinda excited. See ya'll later...

I feel like being in a list mood. So this is a list of the qualities my Ideal guy would have... If only dreams could come true...

1. Good listener.
2. creative.
3. Cultured.
4. Independant.
5. Intelligent.
6. Ambitious.
7. Someone who would call just to hear my voice.
8. Someone who tells me that I am beautiful and means it.
9. Someone who would find out my favorite movie and even if they don't like it, rent it and watch it with me.
10. Someone who will try to cook me a nice dinner even if they can't cook.
11. Someone who would make me a CD of all of the songs that remind them of me.
12. Someone who would remember every thing that I have ever said to them and thought it was important just because I said it.
13. Someone who will sit in the park and read my favorite book to me while the sun is setting.
14. Someone who will take my little brother to a hockey game or watch him at one of his soccer games even if I am not there.
15. Someone who will color with my little sisters when I am in the other room or sit on the floor and watch cartoons with them.
16. Someone that will hug my mom.
17. Someone that will hold my hand in front of my older brother, knowing fare-well, that in his mind he is thinking of the thousands of ways to cause that boy pain.
18. Someone who will be patient with me when he wants to take the relationship the the "next level" but knows that I am not ready
19. Someone who will come to all the gatherings with me and my friends.
20. Someone who will ask my brothers and my father if it is ok, that he dates me, and if they say no, do it anyways because he cares about me that much.
21. Someone who will push that one strand of hair that fell over my face, aside so he can gaze into my eyes.
22. Someone who will show up at my job with flowers and a card with a little note in it.
23. Someone who would take me dancing even if he hates it. But knows that I love it.
Someone who doesnt have to talk about my secrets, just knows they are there and that I will share them when I am ready.
24. Someone who knows that there are quite a few boys that would like to date me and never takes me forgranted.
25. Someone who can feel comfortable being around my family and talking to them when I am in the other room.
26. Someone who would like nothing more than to spend hours walking along beach with me, just listening to the waves.
27. Someone who would read every word I ever write and tell me the honest truth about it.
28. Someone who will read this journal and not be judgemental about any of the entries.
29. Someone who will tell me that I am cute when I am wearing grubby jeans and a hoodie with my hair pulled up in a messy pony tail.
30. Someone who can take these things and think of new ways to make me smile...


"I'm just so tired won't you sing me to sleep and fly through my dreams so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place have a new name and face I just aint the same w/o you in my life" - yellowcard

Good bye to the smell, goodbye to the camp-fire... Good bye camp...

Driving up today, I had to roll down the windows, it was raining but I didnt care, taking a shower in the car, all that was running through my mind was a picture show of all that have happend in this small area of land.
the first thing I saw was the Ultimate Frisbee feild... I remember last year, Zack Thomas, Dan and Brian Paff, David Haskell, and Ben Foster... After a hard game of ultimate would line up for back rubs, sitting on my lap, still all gross, I can feel the moisture in my hands, I wasnt grossed out then and I never will be...
Car pushing a bit farther, I notice the Tear drop. so many times a group of us would just go there to think and talk... I can hear Bryan Brown, playing his guitar for me. I can see the same stars I saw the night it was just he and I... his voice floods my eardrums.. His deep soft beautiful voice... "...meet me where I am.. Shake the dust off my hear till it shines again, shine the light in my eyes till I'm blind again.. Ohh run me through the fire till I'm refined again... Oh faithfull friend.. Meet me where I am..." I can feel the same soft touch of tears on my cheeks as that night he and I sat there. driving past the Tear Drop I realized the irony and laughed... slowly passing the huge trees that know a million secrets, I listened carefully hopeing to hear one that I didnt already know.. No luck. I know most of them but the ones I dont are just for the trees.
when we parked, I just sat there for a minute, a different path from my usual jump out of the car attitude.. I just sat, listening to the rain that is continuing to fall atop the hood. Getting out, my legs feel numb, like I am a scared child not knowing were to go next, though I know... I know all to well. I could find my way around the acres with my eyes shut, but finding my way to the path at the minute, was impossible. I took some breaths and started walking. walking down the path I remembered the year that they added woodchips, some kid was running down the path and fell.. He was right in front of me. And though it shouldnt have been funny when there was a woodship stuck in his leg, I laughed because he did. After what seemed to be more time then the actual drive there, I made it to the black top. looking around things were sad, the place was deserted, dirty and I could see no love fumigating like I could all the years prior... knowing full well that Reed would always be there, I looked up for assurance, some guidence. But the giant bell was gone. no where in sight. red faced I went inside to the Great hall. It still smelled the same. of hugs and tears and kisses and laughter. The reason that I thought of it that way is because if those things had a smell.. It would be the Great hall at camp. I walked in to see banners from years past, every year every session. All there. the one made the first year I was at camp was directly in front of me. I was amazed. The felt, still holding togather like it would stand through anything. The wood floors still creeked when I walked from the Great hall to the hall and through the hall a wood band played, and new note hit with every step. the Big red counter had been re-painted, the same shade but the fade was gone, the chip from when someone had slammed there clip-bored down to hard was fixed. The nurse used to stand his ground there so that pills could be despeced. The lobby looked axacty the same. the couches all where the are sposed to be as if they were bolted down for safety. the brown cushions were dented and beaten down. they served as a resting place for so many people. I remembered the time I was sentanced to the couch for almost two days, it killed me. but Joe and some of the other councilors would sneak me food from the kitchen. I walked to the drinking fountain forgetting the taste that used to make my face twist, rust. It hit me squar in the face today...
the dinning hall didnt have the camp food smell, and all the chairs and tables were pushed to the walls. it was sad, I longed to see the table with the words 12 / Grad M with and Cassie as the fine print. I had become an honorary member one year. Chuck, the councilor only allowed me to sit there, and I did at every meal, I was just one of the guys, but the cute one... I went for a walk down by the dock. I remembered the swimming tests that we had to take every year, and the buddy bored, we could never go in the water alone. I hated to swim because all of my friends got deep, and I wasnt a strong enough swimmer so I was always confined to intermediate. I hated it, So instead of mastering how to swim, I mastered four-square. I was the best one year. lughing to myself, I casually wandered up there. looking around the court was faded to almost nothing, I saw the damage to the roof that wills "Cherry Bomb" left. and I laughed. I went farther in my thought provoking walk, I stumbled accross the owl cage and the cabin that I lived in for about 4 years in a row. The bathroom that we had to walk to in the middle of the night, and I remembered how much I resented that then, but now I would do anything to live there for a week. I walked down to the fire pit and thats where I lost it, I saw the thurday night that we all sat around the campfire, all 150 or so of us and just listened to Bryan's sweet voice, and sitting there I took hold of Dan Paff's hand and just looked at the sky, many of us that night saw a cross in the clouds and as time went on, saw what looked to be a body, we were out there until all hours of the night... The Cross that was put up in the memory of Samantha Popkey was gone and will never be put up again. She died on her way to camp one year, a year that I was not able to attend. I only heard about it after. I saw the stack of logs that were pushed aside, and I thought of all of the people that I sat with in those spots. I heard every camp song I knew all at once. The faces always change, people come and go, but the stories that place holds will never fade away. I drove away sad, I will miss that place and all of its memories.


I was able to see some people that I havent seen in years, but I cant write about that right now. When I heard that there was going to be a new camp, I was not excited, but I wasnt angry either. I didnt think it would change the "atmostphere" of camp. But driving away tonight, windows down, breathing as deeply as possible until the very last second. I realised that I will have to tell all of my secrets to another set of trees and I dont want to do that...

Work.. BAH

So yeah today, I worked a double, I got to work at 8:30 this morning, Bah, and decided I didnt feel like working since I dont do anything until 11 anyways, so... I took a nap in one of the booths, it was nice until one of the kitchen guys found me and tried to feel me up... Sick.
I made a new record for curbside tips though, that was nice, as soon as I clocked in at 11 I had a HUGE order to ring in, it was like a hundred and 10 dollar bill, that was fun considering I have only done curbside a few times... but I made like 15 bucks or so off of it, so that was nice, then I had a 7 dollar bill and made like 3 bucks, so all in all with 2 orders in a 20 minute time span I made 18 bucks, I was pretty happy, but then it was all down hill from there.... I spent the rest of the time prepping food for the cooks being groped every 5 seconds, yucky... it wouldnt be so bad except the guy is like 36 and yeah, he could pretty much be my dad.. Sick.
the night shift sucked except for well, I met someone... he was really cool.. I have never given my number to anyone that comes in (though some do ask) but I gave it to him. He also gave me his and I fully intended to call him tonight to see if he wanted to get a bite to eat at Denny's (how romantic) but when I got home I couldnt find it, I remembered that I put it in the pocket of my work shirt and left in such an excited rush, that I forgot to take it out... I went to Denny's anyways, hoping that he may call or show up, but no dice... Gah
I also found out that my regular 3rd shift waitress is giving up the night life for the blinding sun lit shifts, gar. that makes me sad because now I have to break in a new waitress/waiter... thats not fun.
She explained why and though I fully understand it still kinda sucks, I like her. I mean why else would someone go to Denny's just about every night? She told me that her schedual was not mixing well with the stresses of raising two kids and that the other day she fell asleep on the couch with her 5 year old, well he woke up and wandered outside... Scary..
next on my list of things to talk about.. I started a new book tonight, its called Boy Meets Girl... It was givin to me by my over-protective big sister. Ha. Its about waiting until you are ready for marriage to date and not get committed with anyone until you want to get married. Though I think that this theory worked for the author, I find it to be bunk.. I cannot justify that comment until I give the book a chance, but so far.. Bunk.
I am driving to Battle Creek tomorrow, that will be fun, I get to see some friends that I havent seen in over a year, I cant wait. well. I am really tired concidering I didnt get out of work until about 10 o'clock tonight. and I have had less than 4 hours of sleep every night for the past like 3 weeks. Gah.
so I am going to say aloha to anyone who decides to read this...
I hope that he calls me...

This what I saw last night...

As I look at the sky
I can't help but hold my breath
For as the air leaves my body
The gorgious sky may just as easily fade away
The sun is setting
I don't want to blink
I don't want to miss it
Pinks, reds and blues rush higher and higher
Into the skiy
Racing to the top
Still holding my breath, I watch
The blues get darker and the pinks turn to purple
Then black
When I finally Exhale
My breath wisps into the sky
As if that same breath airbrushed the sky with stars
Some time has gone by now
I am still weary of blinking
My eyes are becoming heavy
So I will close them and sit in this wonderful safe place
I know all is right
I slowly loose conciousness to the outside owrld.