Lately, I have been feeling well, to put it bluntly like shit. I feel like my life is going nowhere, now, a mid-life crisis is a normal check point in the lives of many, but not someone who is 17. I am stuck. I am stuck in my writing, in a dead-end job. I am stuck in a family that thinks about as much of me as a bumb on a sub-way.. (all they want is money)
I dont really know where to go at this point.. This is probably one of the stupidest things I have ever thought about. but I am entirely serious. I will be starting Ferris in the fall, and yes that is a step up from living with my "don't-give-a-damn-family" but still, what pretell is exciting about Ferris, not that it isnt a great school to go to thats not what I mean, its just. I want to travel the world and see things that people only dream about. I want to be a world famous writer, writing novels that cant stay on the shelves with super glue... for some reason I dont see that happening, at least I cant picture it as well today as I could yesterday.
Tim gave me my graduation present the other day, I am pretty sure I wrote about it. but anyways, I was thinking about it yesterday and I got kinda upset, what if I dont make accomplish all that I want to? I mean I know that everything in the world cannot go as only I plan, but really, my dreams are all I have. If they fall through, what then?
I will be 27 years old sleeping on my mothers couch eating Captain Crunch in my "down-time" thats bunk... Gah
I guess I am feeling like this because I am being a coward, I usually do that, when I get scared about something, I just pick at it until its dead and the threat of falling short of perfect is gone. I dont know if anyone else does that... I kinda hope not, because I usually get nothing accomplished when I have that train of thought..
as I said before. Gah. I hate thinking all of the damn time!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
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