Yeah so, last night we were talking on the phone, we were saying good bye quick and he said the "L" word. This is my dilemma, was he just saying it because he thinks I want to hear it, did he not mean to say it, or does he mean it. The reason that this is hard for me is because I have never said it to anyone who was not family, and even some of my family. The problem is that I said it back, and even though we are new at this kind of relationship I can see myself really meaning it down the line. He is a great guy and aside from the fact that he isn't a virgin pretty close to perfect.
I am sure I sound like some boy crazy teenage girl, but I have only really truly cared about 3 people, not even love, I just cared about them a lot. The first one was Ben and I did love him as a friend, but I told myself that it was more, then D. came along and I cared about him so much it hurt, I wanted to be with him more than anything, and I was blinded by that feeling and let him treat me poorly. now there is.. Well for the sake of sanity I will call him John... I have known John for years (he was my first kiss at almost 16) well for the past few months I guess we have been growing closer and closer, now I cant honestly say that I am in love with him. But I can say that if it were anyone else's voice that woke me up at 2 in the morning when I have to be in class at 7, Id be pissed. But all I want to do is talk to him as long as I can.
I don't know if this is love, I have had a crush on this boy since I was 13 years old. It could be nothing but pure lust for all I know. But there is one thing that I know. No one has ever sent chills down my spine with one kiss until now.