Tonight, I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette and I just started crying... Out of no where. Then I had this image of Andy and me sitting in his living room when I was about 11 watching Congo, eating cheesecake. Then we were at school talking a few years later. Then I saw him and jay skate boarding. I just cried. I don't know if thinking of him made me cry or the fact that I realized today that I probably will not get into college. Or the fact that I cleaned up the house today and the only comment I heard was wow the kitchen is a mess. I don't know what strange forces in this world make me feel as though I am nothing, but its a hard thing to deal with.
I should be over the moon happy, Jason is coming home in two days and I get to see him and laugh with him and hold his hand and kiss him. And yet I still feel sad today. Damn am I sick of life sometimes.