Prom is this Saturday, I am not that excited, Tim wont be there, and though I want him to be happy, I really wish that he would be around. But if I had to make the choice that he has made, I would do the same thing. I am going with Eric, I hope we have fun, but I don't know if we will, I don't know him very well. But he seems like a nice guy. I thought about asking Dustin, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided against it.

I cant remember if I wrote about Jason and I breaking up, but we did. I cried. It hurts a lot to think that while I care about someone, they are only in relationships for sex. We never did (THANK GOD) because if I would have slept with him. I would have been crushed even more than I am. I don't hate him, but I am really hurt by him, maybe its because of how much I cared.

I miss Fish, I had a dream about him last night. He is wonderful, I guess opened his concert with the song that he wrote about/ for me. I want to see him so bad, it is killing me. I think about him all of the time, I am not sure yet whether that is healthy or not. He is so wonderful.

In the past few days, I have met/ hung out with 2 guys that to be perfectly honest, I am not very interested in, it seems however that they (A and J) are interested in me. A says that I am intriguing and that he wants to get to know me and J thinks that I am a good looking girl who he would like to date. (actual quotes) but the problem is that the guy that I am "interested" in at this time, (E) well he isn't the kind of guy that ideally I picture myself with, surprisingly A is... But I seem to really like E and think that he is great, however though he knows I exist, I can tell that he is not one who will want to show me if or that he is interested in me. So this is my confusion... Was I acting different when talking to A and J then I was when I spoke to E or is it purely a difference in tastes.

I have decided once again that I enjoy the single life, and though I have said it a million times, I do not want to settle down. As whorish as it may sound, I would like for someone to be there physically. I am an affectionate person, but refuse to bounce from guy to guy. That is the only aspect that I would like to take on from a "relationship" Dustin is there, but I don't know how I feel about going back to that situation though, I haven't decided if I really miss him as a person or I just miss kissing him.

Gosh, I am a whore, I should most likely just go to hell now so that the people that I know and are friends with are not doomed to my same fate. I feel like a terrible person because I complain about my "physical needs" or whatever. But the thing is, I really don't want to just hook up with stupid people, if I am with someone I want it to be emotional and meaningful. I don't care how stupid that sounds and I am sure it does. But oh well


any ways... About my dream last night, I had a dream that Mike came to see me for the day and that he brought his guitar and just played for me all day and then when it got dark we just lay outside and listened and watched the stars. Then we kissed. I don't know if I should feel weird or bad about that dream, I am sure that it will never happen, he has got way too much going for him then to think about me. And I don't blame him. But I really do miss him and I wanted so badly to kiss him before he left but I know at least I am pretty sure, he likes me in the good friend/ sister kind of way. And that kinda makes me sad but happy at the same time. I just am so lucky to know him. If makes my life Richer.